as the days pass, i realise how tiring it has been for me.. there has been so many issues, one after another. on mon, i did something that i thought i would feel glad or at least relieved.. instead, i felt sad. the kind of feeling i never expected myself to have for having done what i did.. in fact i felt like crying.. i wonder why.. i couldn't figure out why it actually hurts.. speaking from a third party's point of view, i probably see myself as a hypocrite.. but that was how i really felt.. before i put my hands on it, i told myself that i would be cold-hearted and say everything else no longer matter to me, just give me what i want, case closed.. however, after hearing what the other party said, i felt like saying it's ok.. i'll wait. but i guess i should be glad that i didn't.. although i didn't push for the extreme, i didn't let it go altogether. which means, i will probably have a easier life from now..

on the other hand, i never understood how one could behave like a devil and a saint concurrently.. i would prefer being the former..

i don't exactly explain myself over issues.. i do what i want and i plan my stuff just like most people does.. i do not like my plans to be ruined and i am sure nobody enjoys that.. but i don't see the relationship between explaining and planning.. i don't see why i should explain myself for everything i want to do.. you can say i am self-centered, but that's how i am.. and i don't expect anybody to have to give in to me.. similarly, i don't like to do things unwillingly.. because if i want to do it, i make sure i put in my best and do it well.. if i have to do it unwillingly, i know how slip shod my work can be, resulting in more upsets.. thus, i don't bother..

Jessleen

21 years old
05 August 1988
NUS-Mechanical Engineering

jessleen@hotmail.com



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