how does it feel to be crying everyday for whatever reasons? now i actually realised how tiring it was to be crying every night.. for whatever reasons it may be, it seems like crying was once a form of releasing.. to allow myself to let go whatever it felt deep down and the next day, wear my mask and carry on with life.. then the same routine takes place everyday for the past 5 days.. however, it seems like crying is no longer an option.. because i realised that i no longer have a place where i can hide and cry to my heart's content.. and yet it was all too difficult to just cry out for help or support. and yet after leaving 21 yrs of my life, for the first time i was told that i was self centered and unappreciative.. but what hurt the most was neither of those.. it was the fact that i was doubted for the love i had for my dad.. how much i wanted to do and yet incapable of doing.. that was hard to swallow.. so hard that i wished i had more ppl telling me that to make me feel how bad i was deep down.. if only there were more support to put me down totally.. then perhaps it wouldn't feel half that bad..

as usual, not explaining or not putting a defence does not mean and never in any way meant that i am indifferent in there.. i may seem indifferent and may not seem to care.. but how many ppl really know? yet to me, it doesn't really matter anymore.. just let me continue living my life in vain just as you deem it to be..

Jessleen

21 years old
05 August 1988
NUS-Mechanical Engineering

jessleen@hotmail.com



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